Grief, Technology and the Beginning of a Prototype

KEY WORDS:

work, project, experiences, struggling, grieving, excited, recommended, align, AI, model, meeting, connect, hard, accountability, disabilities, build, feel

This reflection was from August, 2024.

An Overview of August:

Loss can change us in many ways, making us more reserved and scared to love: we let go before we get a grip on anything. Or, we can overextend ourselves, love so deeply, and hold on so tight that letting go feels impossible and painful. I’ve now lost many people in my life in many different ways. Some losses have been sudden, my Gido’s brain aneurysm or my cousin’s suicide, and some have happened over time, my grandmother’s alzheimer's or my Baba’s battle with her body, notably MS. In the past, letting go has felt at odds with who I was. If I let you go, did I ever love you at all? I don’t ask myself this question anymore. For better or worse, I’ve come to understand loss as an organic fixture of a life lived, of becoming attached, of caring about others. Any kind of loss still feels painful, but I’ve stopped fighting, or rather fearing, its existence. My therapist has always told me that health is the ability to feel a spectrum of emotions, not only happiness, not only joy. To me, feeling pain or grief is not a sign of an unhealthy life, on the contrary, it’s a sign of the opposite.

Grief Quilt by E.A. Cox @eacox24

Loss can teach us to wrestle with complexity, to sit in uncertainty rather than rushing toward resolution. This lesson, in many ways, mirrors what I find myself thinking about in the context of our shifting technological landscape.

Loss can teach us to wrestle with complexity and to sit in uncertainty rather than rushing toward resolution. I should also mention that loss, at least for me, hasn't been a one-time teacher. Each time I experience change, the uncertainty is different, and letting go feels different. These lessons, in many ways, mirror what I find myself thinking about in the context of our shifting technological landscape.

I've mentioned this before, but in the realm of AI and its impact on our lives, I'm not asking questions that others haven't already asked: How will these shifts affect our relationships? Our ability to reflect deeply? Our capacity for nuance in how we understand ourselves and one another?

Before we rush to conclusions about what AI means for our future and accept oversimplified narratives, I think it's worthwhile to wrestle with the current state of our capacity for connection, creativity and reflection. If we don't have somewhat of a perspective on the present from a wide variety of experiences, our choices will likely build a future that looks different and is more automated, but it will feel the same. Loss and technological evolution may seem unrelated, but both ask us to adapt and let go of certainty in similar, uncomfortable, and overwhelming ways. So long as we are attached to using technology solely to increase the certainty we feel about moving forward, whether in personal relationships or systemically, we will never be processing our current state and feelings, learning from the past, or living in the present. I don't want to live in a society that is only chasing efficiency or joy; on the flip side, I don't want only to experience pain or loss. I want to live in a society that actively connects to the experiences of those who shape it, one that honours the lives within it and that isn't scared to care about others for fear of loss, inefficiency, or criticism. To me, working towards this kind of society starts with reflecting on our own stories and our ability to connect to the variety of stories around us.

Which brings me to this language model - in August I met with an amazing team at Write with LAIKA to explore the possibilities of using their code with the CEREMONY project. I’ve included a summary of what I’ve been exploring below with links to content that has informed the questions I’m exploring and our collaboration.

The general question:

How can I build an experience that allows any person to have a reflective, meaningful interaction with the collective conversations in CEREMONY?

The screen grabs below show the LAIKA “completion” model. The parts in red are the language model completing the phrase we gave it (the black text) using the “CEREMONY brain.”

I was uncertain how much to share in this reflection, but I’ve opted for transparency. August was a long and short month that began with big grief. The poem to the left was one of a few poems sent to me by a dear friend as an offering during that time—this particular one served as a companion throughout the month. I love a last line that clings to you: “and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”

AI SUMMARY

Katie reflected on her August, noting a break from her work plan and feeling accountable to her grant-supported project. The death of her cousin by suicide put her project in perspective, emphasizing the importance of relationships and creative expression. She connected with Write with Laika, a Danish platform recommended by AI expert Tamika, to collaborate on prototypes, easing her concerns about learning code alone. Katie also discussed the ethical considerations of small language models, referencing articles and podcasts. She is excited about upcoming work in Portugal, focusing on digital technologies' impact on education and opportunities for underprivileged youth.

Action Items

Connect Emily Bender articles and podcast recommendations to the reflection.

A clip from an e-mail I sent to Write with LAIKA explaining some inspo:

Link to The Tale and the Tongue Episode

Continue prototyping with Write with LAIKA and exploring possibilities.
Report back on collaboration in Portugal.

August Reflection: Personal and Professional Updates

Katie discusses taking a break from her grant schedule in August, feeling on track despite the break.
She expresses her struggle with going with the flow and the accountability she feels towards the project due to the grant.
Katie emphasizes the importance of showing her supporters that their investment in her was worthwhile.
She shares a personal loss, the suicide of her cousin, which put perspective on her project and other aspects of her life.

Impact of Personal Loss on Katie's Project

Katie reflects on her cousin's struggles with mental health and disabilities, highlighting her cousin's creative talents as a writer and poet.
She explains how her cousin's death emphasized the importance of relationships and building a body of work that connects people.
Katie mentions that her cousin might not be celebrated by the mainstream art world but was an inspiration for her project.
She reiterates that relationships and shared experiences are what truly matter in life.

Connecting with Write with Laika

Katie shares her experience of connecting with Write with Laika, a platform based in Copenhagen, Denmark.
She was recommended by her AI expert, Tamika, but initially felt nervous about reaching out to them.
Katie describes a positive meeting with Write with Laika, where they expressed excitement about working with her.
She mentions starting to play with prototypes, which was a relieving experience after feeling overwhelmed by the thought of learning code.

Another test with the LAIKA platform playing with CEREMONY keywords and a more conversational approach:

Exploring Ethical Small Language Models

Katie discusses her hesitation to work with someone who had already built code for small language models.
She plans to link articles by Emily Bender and a podcast (Daily Zietgeist conversation) that provided perspective on ethical small language models.

Links:
Article in New York Magazine (March 1, 2023):

You Are Not a Parrot And a chatbot is not a human. And a linguist named Emily M. Bender is very worried what will happen when we forget this. (link)

Podcast Episode from The Daily Zeitgeist (June 25, 2024)

Down The Stupid AI Rabbithole with Professor Emily Bender and Dr. Alex Hanna (link)

“In episode 1697, Jack and Miles are joined by hosts of Mystery AI Hype Theater 3000, Prof. Emily M. Bender & Dr. Alex Hanna, to discuss… AI Is Breaking The Internet and The World AI, Debunking Lies About AI Magic, Dangerous And Harmful Ways AI Is Actually Being Used and more!”

Lecture by Emily Bender (August 8, 2023)

ChatGP-why: When, if ever, is synthetic text safe, appropriate, and desirable? (link)

I also wrote a summary of this lecture here. (link)

Katie mentions a podcast on conversations recommended by her friend Zoe, which offered valuable insights for her project. (The Tale and the Tongue - linked above)
She expresses excitement about exploring more possibilities with Write with LAIKA and creating ideas for the project.

Future Collaborations and Travel Plans

Katie announces her upcoming three-month trip to Portugal to work with groups on digital projects.
She aims to explore how digital technologies can shift education and provide opportunities for youth.
Katie feels excited about the collaboration and plans to report back on her findings.

BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE PROJECT

Ceremony is a web platform that hosts an evolving catalogue of community conversations. The content is designed to bring together works by both professional and emerging artists. This project will build a live language model with the catalogue, allowing readers to participate in the creation of art via an interface designed with equity and accessibility in mind. The project aims to democratize digital tools, increase digital and data literacy through discussion, and pave the way for other creative and accessible AI applications within the artistic community.