Community

Mar Delmar 

KEY WORDS

book process, imposter syndrome, creative childhood, external inspiration, inner voice, emotional expression, performance piece, art as therapy, process, focus, commercial work, new materials, bigger projects, present moment, done vs perfect

Mar Delmar is an artist and illustrator from Barcelona, Spain. She has illustrated more than 20 books and worked for clients like Penguin Random House, Christian Louboutin, New York Times, Entertainment Weekly, Architectural Digest Germany, Deloitte, and many others.

She has collaborated with galleries like Spoke Art Gallery (SF and NYC, EUA), Galleries 1988 (Los Angeles, EUA), Copro Gallery (Los Angeles, EUA), Youn Gallery (Montreal, Canada), Boom Gallery (Victoria, Australia), Gorjfest Art Festival (Targu Jiu, Romania), etc. selling little dioramas and original artwork to art collectors around the world.

After some painful years her work evolved from little dioramas of places she'd seen in travels or frames from films (from speaking from someone else's point of view) to finding her own voice and finally talking about herself. Nowadays her work is more introspective and symbolic, sharing her thoughts and emotions with the world through it.

This conversation took place in October, 2024 in Lisbon, Portugal with special guest, Minkyung.

Let’s start off with how we met to ground the conversation. We were both artists in residence at Prisma Estudio in Lisbon, and we likely met at our first show and tell?

I think so, yeah, that was the first time.

I knew you were an illustrator and visual artist, but when you showed us the process of how you put a book together, I was in such awe. I felt so stupid that I didn’t know how that worked. I wanted you to break down every process. My mind was blown at that point, actually, because that's not my practice whatsoever.

Have you always considered yourself an artist? What’s your relationship to your practice?

I have not always considered myself an artist because I thought that artist was such a big word. For me, it was something to achieve, something really high. It has been a struggle; it has been like, a little bit of imposter syndrome to get there.

Now I'm starting to feel more like an artist, and I'm starting to convince myself that I've done a lot of things. I've done a lot of shows, so I should be saying to myself that I am an artist. I don't know why I struggled so much, because I think that it's really great to be an artist. It's something really special, it's a way of life and a way of looking at things and a way of thinking or acting differently. For me, it's very special.

Were you always drawn to drawing or painting?

I was creative since day one. I mean, my father, he's a sculptor. I remember all my childhood being in his workshop, in his Atelier. I was copying him. He was doing something, and I was doing the similar thing on the side. I was creating all the time.

When I was little, my way of playing was to create something. Instead of playing with dolls, I was creating a house and all the details for the dolls. Then I was too tired to play with them, after creating the set and all the miniatures and everything. I was an only child, so I spent a lot of hours alone and all those hours were painting, creating books, creating. It was always something creative.

“I have not always considered myself an artist, because I thought that ‘artist’ was such a big word.” 

– Mar Delmar

Is there any particular person or inspiration that you bring forward with you in your work?

Right now? I don't know, it's really hard to say. I don't feel that I have an inspiration from someone specific or something. I think that I'm more inspired, in general, with tiny things and not anything specific. Maybe I'm so inspired with so many things that I cannot point one thing out. It's impossible to say this artist or this person, like, everything, even a trip, this conversation with you guys, everything, is an inspiration. It's really hard to say.

Yeah, so fair.

Do you feel like there is like a common thread of where the inspiration comes from?

It has been really different from my past till now. For instance, in my past I was doing a lot of work because I was inspired by others, films especially. I was doing a lot of frame related diorama based on a trip that I did, or a street that I liked. It was the voice of others that I was translating. I felt guilty it was more outside inspiration, outside voices, not being able to use my own voice and say what I wanted to say.

Now, I think the inspiration comes more from within me. Conversations and everything inspire me, but it connects with some inner process and feelings. I'm working with my own emotions and my own voice and my inner thoughts to say something with my voice. So the inspiration, I guess, changed from outside to inside. Even if it's from the outside, it has to go through the inside before going back out, and it’s not as fast as before. It has been a struggle to change it, but it was really nice. And now I cannot go back to using the other's voice. Now, I want to use my voice more and more.

It almost sounds like a baby who's learning to talk. Once you start to talk, you can't stop. You repeat the same word, or continue to talk. Once you know the language, you want to be more expressive.

My art also translates me, the way I was, the way I felt, the way I am, and the way I feel now. In the past, I was very shy. I was always in the shadow of somebody else, my boyfriend, my friend, my best friend, my mom, my whatever. At one point I was really glad to be in the shadow and not be speaking by myself. And nobody was putting me in the shadow, I put myself there. I felt safe.

That changed when my mom died, and then my ex-boyfriend, he broke up with me. I was like, Okay, now I have to speak up. Now there's nobody else speaking for me. My way of living and my way of being changed, and it translated really well into my art. Art has mimicked my life, in my past, and now.

Was your performance work, where you were carrying the bag of rocks up the mountain, part of that transition, would you say?

Yeah, that was part of the process of speaking for myself and channeling a little bit of my pain and my thoughts. I was feeling through art and trying to express myself to get out all the things that I wanted to get out. Sometimes you get it out talking or going to therapy. I am also talking it out with art, and it is really nice to do.

“Sometimes I'm really focused on the finished piece and I don't like that, because it's not the important thing. When I've done something that is really important, and I really care about that piece, it has been because of the process, not because of the final thing.” 

– Mar Delmar

When you showed us that performance work, it was another moment where I was in awe of your work. Those photos of the performance were so powerful. Such a beautiful piece.

What you just said reminded me of what we were talking about before we started recording, how we can be more like the people around us before we find ourselves.

What do you hope archeologists of the future will find of your work, and what type of ancestor do you hope to be?

I don't know about something after me. I'm more focused in the present. I would love for people to relate to my work. If there's not much work when I'm gone, I don't know if I care much. I don't think it's that important.

Maybe it's not my work, but the memory of me. I would love to be remembered as somebody who had fun and was free to do whatever they want, and that had freedom of choosing, and that was authentic. I don't know if the art is that important. I guess for me, it's more important to do it.

Sometimes I'm really focused on the finished piece. And I don't like that, because it's not the important thing. When I've done something that is really important, and I really care about that piece, it has been because of the process, not because of the final thing. I always pray for that: not being focused on the final piece, but on the process. Sometimes when the process is super nice or transformative, I don't care about the result. I love that sense and feeling of not caring about the result. I don't care about other people’s points of view about the result, because I'm so fulfilled. If everybody hates it, I don't care. If everybody loves it, I don't even care.

It’s not always like that. Usually, I want to people to like my art, and I can feel it. I put something out, and I'm expecting people to like it. It's not very usual, but I have had a couple of pieces, like the performance I did with the pictures. I didn’t really care about showing them. I share them because it's nice, but I'm not craving the other thing.

For me, the more valuable moments have been when somebody has come and said that piece touched something about their pain, about what they’re feeling, that's it. Even if you don't like it, even if it was painful for you to see, I think that it's nice. I mean, I'm sorry if you cried with my piece, but maybe, you're welcome. You know?

It's ironic, right? Because those pieces where you're not focused on how they're received are usually the ones that are received the most strongly, usually, because you're just exposing yourself and allowing someone to connect with that.

I had this conversation with a curator I was doing a piece with for an exhibition. The curator, he was really trying to push my boundaries. I was grateful because originally, I wanted to do something really safe. He was pushing me to take my art somewhere else. He was like, You are going to another space that’s different. And I was like, No, I can't see my art here.

It was really nice for him to push me out of my comfort zone. When I made the art for that specific place, I told him, I'm so happy, the process felt so good that I don't really care about the opening. I said to him, I don't even know if it's good, the art, but I feel that it's so good. Maybe it was just the feeling of fulfillment, but I didn’t really care about the rest.  

Usually, when you have this feeling, the art is really, I don't know if it's ‘good’, but people can relate so much because there's some kind of magic. You're not focusing on doing something good, you are focusing on something really magical from yourself. People were relating so much. It was a really nice experience. The opening was nice, but the process was nicer. For me, it was like an orgasm, like a big orgasm. Seven days being there. Nobody calling me, nobody. Everyone left me alone. I was making this art and I was having so much fun. I didn’t want anybody coming and disturbing it, because it was better than any other feeling.

I feel that the process is the present. Sometimes, it's so difficult to be in the present moment. You are always in your mind thinking in the past or in the future. Being in the present is the thing that I struggle with. It's not easy for me and it's the same with art. To be in the present, to be in the process, and not to be on the future result, it's difficult.

I mean, especially when you're working on jobs for clients at the same time. Yeah, it's complicated.

It's funny to hear how much fun you had in the process of installing your work or the show that week. When I was talking to Mar yesterday, she was sharing how the process of doing commercial work is just as strong, but it's painful. It's such a contrast, obviously, and how you deal with the process is different based on where your heart is at.

“... the crazy thing is I feel I've done all of this in the past, when I was a child and I was playing around in my house, or playing in my father's studio. I was doing the same thing that I'm doing now.”

– Mar Delmar

I want to go more into my own art, and not do that much client work. Client work is needed, but not that much. I mean, I want to cut it off, and I pray for this feeling of having this much fun and being so present, and it's not with the client work.

Is there any area that you are really looking to collaborate in or new skill that you'd like to learn?

I think that I tend to stay in my comfort zone of my own materials, my own ideas, my own subjects, but lately I've been trying to break a little bit. I'm slowly finding new materials. For now, I'm using thread for the first time. Last year I was using only paper and paint. So I was like, Hey, should I put threads with paper? It's not allowed. And it was like, Okay, I need to break down my strict ideas of only using paper.

One of the things that I would love to do is bigger things. I always do small things. Now that I'm expressing with my voice, I think that my voice has to speak out louder. That means bigger and also installations and stuff like that. It's difficult, but I want to go there.

I love that. I want to walk into a life size paper house by Mar.

I mean, the crazy thing is I feel I've done all of this in the past, when I was a child and I was playing around in my house, or playing in my father's studio. I was doing the same thing that I'm doing now. My mom, when I started cutting and doing dioramas, she came one day and said, When you were alone as a kid, you were playing with the same things, but as an adult you’re just playing for a publishing house or for a client. I found a way of translating that into my adult life.

Is there any song, movie, phrase or quote that has been on repeat in your mind lately?

“I'm sitting here at Mar’s interview, and there are points where I’m smiling because, I’m like, Oh, my God, that's very similar to what I said in my Ceremony interview. One of the shared key words would be, being present.” 

– Minkyung

I don't know if I have a song, but maybe the quote. It has helped me a lot. We wanted to use it in the cards that we made. The quote was, "Done is better than perfect." This idea of not trying to be perfect. I think that this is something I am trying to work on. It helps to remove excuses, like when I have this amount of money, this amount of time, when I have peace I will do it. It's like, no, try to take all this expectation away and just do it. Stop trying to make something perfect, which doesn't exist. Yeah, I think that’s my quote.

I also need to hear that. Is there anything you want to add?

I'm so impressed with the Ceremony language model machine. I have this sense of being afraid a little bit, and not understanding, thinking that this all is magic. I don't work with a computer at all. Everything is analogic. I do some photoshop, but as little as possible. I don't like to work with computers. I don't even have a computer at my studio. I have my laptop, but it's not there. Sometimes people come to my studio and are like, Where is your computer? I'm too analogic, and so computers are like magic for me.

One thing I found interesting is I'm sitting here at Mar’s interview, and there are points where I’m smiling because I’m like, Oh my God, that's very similar to what I said in my Ceremony interview. One of the shared key words would be being present. I also said I don't care if my work sustains or not, because that's not the point of the work. There's a beauty within something that is gone, yeah. But technology is gonna live forever.

And both parts are related. Also, again, presence, I think is so difficult to achieve. I think that I achieve presence when I'm with people. People make me so present. My art, too, sometimes, but not always.

I am curious about what other people have said with this question, if all the artists are kind of responding in a similar way?

“I think that I achieve presence when I'm with people. People make me so present. My art, too, sometimes, but not always.”

– Mar Delmar

Yeah. There definitely are a lot of overlapping themes. When I launched the project I had eight conversations with artists and creatives who did different things. Friends of mine who read a bulk of the conversations said there were so many similarities between everybody, whether the conversation was with a musician or painter, or whatever.

Within the language model project, I want to create other visuals to emphasize that shared line, and how there are so many similarities in stories, even though they're unique to each person. Yeah, it's really cool.

And maybe with this model the stories are going to live forever.

*laughs*

Well, what I hope, is that the conversations give others the permission to express themselves and have fun and feel free in moments, even if we are still experiencing the trials and tribulations of life. Like, Oh, Mar might have experienced grief and trauma, but she also had a lot of fun. That means that, though I've experienced these painful things, I can also do that, too. We don’t have to be put in a box or be any one thing. I think it’s really special to model that for other people. In Ceremony, the conversations show artists and people modeling that separately in their lives, but also collectively through the project as a whole.

For me, that is really important. I mean, not that I want to be a model, because I'm not a role model, but we share things with others. Maybe we are model-like, for different tiny things. If I speak up about grief, for instance, I'm allowing other people to speak up about that. Not that I know what to do, but I want to be aware of myself and to live my fullest life. That is something I want to do for myself, because I want to experience life better, and I want to be calmer and happier. 

I also think this is our responsibility to the world. I mean, there's always trials, and you have to experience them. You cannot always be happy, but, when you are not in a traumatic situation, you can either see life in a negative way, nitpicking everything, or you can be grateful. So, choosing gratitude, when you can choose, when you are not in a desperate mood or whatever. I think that it's important for the world.

For me, it's an activist way of living, because my energy will affect others. I'm doing it for me, but I'm also doing it for the community. I need to be grateful for me, but that will translate to others. You can’t always achieve it, you will have some bad days. I think that you also have to be aware and give yourself permission for that. But, it's important to learn how to live better.

I feel like your quote applies to this, too. Done is better than perfect ... we might not be happy or grateful every day, but we can be open to trying, in small ways, every day.

“For me, the more valuable moments have been when somebody has come and said that piece touched something about their pain, about what they’re feeling, that's it. Even if you don't like it, even if it was painful for you to see, I think that it's nice. I mean, I'm sorry if you cried with my piece, but maybe, you're welcome. You know?”

– Mar Delmar

MAR DELMAR 

Mar Delmar is an artist and illustrator from Barcelona, Spain. She has illustrated more than 20 books and worked for clients like Penguin Random House, Christian Louboutin, New York Times, Entertainment Weekly, Architectural Digest Germany, Deloitte, and many others.

She has collaborated with galleries like Spoke Art Gallery (SF and NYC, EUA), Galleries 1988 (Los Angeles, EUA), Copro Gallery (Los Angeles, EUA), Youn Gallery (Montreal, Canada), Boom Gallery (Victoria, Australia), Gorjfest Art Festival (Targu Jiu, Romania), etc. selling little dioramas and original artwork to art collectors around the world.

After some painful years her work evolved from little dioramas of places she'd seen in travels or frames from films (from speaking from someone else's point of view) to finding her own voice and finally talking about herself. Nowadays her work is more introspective and symbolic, sharing her thoughts and emotions with the world through it.